You know you're a college student when:

As you're putting the change in the tip jar after buying a mocha you realize that one of the coins was a quarter and that you need that quarter to do you laundry tonight and take the coin back out of the tip jar.

My Extended Weekend

Thursday- Didn't go to class. Got home from work at six and start pre-funking. Dropped by a goodbye party for the most beautiful man to ever grace the University of Washington. Took two goodbye shoots in five minutes. Was extremely suprised to find out it was only 8:30 and that I was smashed. The Boyfriend and I decided not to drink this much ever agian (haha) at 10 when we had to take turns going and 'pulling the trigger'.

Friday-Didn't go to class. Dog sat the cutest dog ever who decided it would be a good idea to pee on roomate #4's comforter. Pissed off roomate #4, fled to work. Got home from work at nine and watched three hours of The Shield with The Boyfriend. Attempted to go to sleep but Alan was playing NBA live so decided to go back to my own bed. Discovered that roomate #4's boyfriend was over. Went back to The Boyfriend's to sleep.

Saturday- Dragged all laundry home to my parents because I'm too cheap to use the pay ones in my apartment. Actually did some of my English homework. Tried not to fall asleep while helping my mom make dinner. Went to The Boyfriends and watched Back to the Future. Attemted to go to bed early but got conned into a game of 90's trivial pursuit, boys versus girls. Trivial pursuit is byiast to the male gender. Alan tricked friend into calling The White House smashed ("The White House?" pause "This is Bob Barker). Went back to apartment to sleep.

Sunday-Slept in. Made Superbowl goodies with Pipen and McGee to take to guy friends house. Discovered that bbq drumsticks are cheap and tasty. Ate and drank a lot. Stumbled back to The Boyfriends after the Superbowl and watched Puppy Bowl V for two hours. Attempt to go to own apartment only to be informed by Pipen that Roomate #4's boyfirend is over. Watch another episode of The Shield with The Boyfriend. Even though it's a 'To Be Continued' episode are too tired to bother watching the next. Go home, put in earplugs, and fall asleep.

What would you do?

What would you do if your son was at home? Crying all alone on the bedroom floor, 'cause he's hungry. And the only way to feed him is to, sleep with a man for a little bit of money. And his daddys gone, somewhere smoking rock now, in and out of lock-down I ain't got a job now. So for you this is just a good time but for me this is what I call life. Mmmm.

That's actually not the question I want to ask but that is the song that popped into my head when I said the phrase 'what would you do' out loud. That's 'What Would You Do' by City High possibly released in 2001 (Google did not immediately give me the year so I'm not going to search for it) in case anyone was curious.

ANYWAY-What would you do if your roommate (roommate #4) decided to have sex with her boyfriend at 4:30 in the afternoon when you are still home? In the room next to yours with walls that have the sound retention equivalent of those paper sliding doors they have in Japan? I thought there was some sort of unspoken rule about not having sex when your roommates are home but, apparently I was wrong.

If you're me you turn on your loudest music possible (Rage Against The Machine) and point your laptop at her wall. This works well for two reasons 1) It's Rage Against The Machine which is by default loud and 2) Rage has the added bonus of conveying your current feelings about the situation well. This emotion is anger. I felt that this response was appropriately passive aggressive as it allowed me to express my feelings with out having to actually confront anyone, success!

Little Joys

Not waking up first and finding that a roommate has already made coffee = You don't have to!

Class? On Friday? That's silly...

It is a perfectly valid excuse to tell your professors that the reason you missed class today was because you left your phone in your boyfriend's room and therefore were not woken up by your alarm and slept through class, right? No matter the fact that because you were drinking until the wee hours of the morning you probably wouldn't have gone to class anyway even if your alarm had gone off? I think they'll except that excuse, don't you?

Safety Fail

Last nights me and two of my roommates (from here forth known as Drunky McGee and Scottie Pippen, which is another story entirely) managed to get locked out of our apartment. This was an unusual occurrence as we never lock our door. Which beside being the safest most bestest way to live in the U district, allows all of us to not have to worry about loosing our keys when we drink. If you take that statement to mean we drink quite often, well, I won't deny your assumption.

Anyway, on to the story.

While we were all in the apartment below ours last night (not drinking), our fourth roommate (I guess she thought we were all asleep...) locked the door on the way to her night shift. This resulted in much wailing by me, Scottie Pippen, and Drunky McGee and much laughing by The Boyfriend and Alan (yes, the same Alan). Luckily for us and all the would be burglars in the U district it is painfully easy to break into our apartment. Roommate number four's window doesn't lock and through a delicate process of swearing and pushing me and Drunky McGee managed to get the window open. McGee then managed to haul herself through the window which, because it is situated above a staircase, was an interesting process. Imagine an adolescent kangaroo attempting to hop through a small-ish rectangle, urged on by enthusiastic waving. Odd, but successful.

This story has a happy ending. Instead of sleeping on couches in a house that all boys live in (beds were offered, we declined) we all got to sleep in our nice warm beds. The moral here is probably that we should all bring our keys with us and lock the door. But as keys are cumbersome things that manage to get lost easily, this change most likely won't take place.

Mission: Get Your Ass Out of Bed

I have set the alarm ring on my cell phone to the Mission Impossible theme. This seemed appropriate as getting my self out of bed in the morning uses the same amount of effort and skill required to track down my superior and nail him for framing me. That is to say, a lot. Also, who doesn't love the Mission Impossible theme?

I killed someone last night.

Almost. Almost killed someone.

There's not exactly an excess of personal space in college. Rooms are small and landlords cram as many people as possible into a single space. However, when one of your guy friends has their door closed and you know their girlfriend is over it's possible that you shouldn't barge into his room. Maybe. My friend Alan had the pleasure of doing just this last night. The episode went something like this:

Alan: shocked expression
Me: ALAN YOU ARE DEAD!!!!
Alan: quickly closes door and runs
Me: alternate between telling the boyfriend he needs a lock and that he too is dead if he opens the door before all my clothes are on all the while muttering about Alan's death under my breath.
Boyfriend: "Just stay hear I'll talk to him." Leaves room and comes back to inform me that Alan has left the property.
Me: "as he should have because I'm going to KILL HIM!"
Boyfriend: While walking me back to my apartment (smart man) we see Alan where I promptly and loudly inform the whole University district that he is a DEAD MAN WALKING!

Anyway, Boyfriend talked to Alan (who in his defense was quite trashed) who promptly came to apologize to me. I'd like to plead temporary insanity for the ten minutes I went on a screaming rampage, I think I scared/shocked all my friends with the outburst (albeit warranted). Usually when I'm angry it's more of a calm and collected type, I don't yell or make a scene. When Alan accidentally barged in last night 'Made A Scene' would be a more than appropriate way to describe my response. All in all as I said to the boyfriend last night "Alan is my bitch for the next three to six months." I've mostly forgiven him.

Sober Fun

Yes, these are my friends and this IS what we did last night for three hours. We are beyond awesome. No alcohol was involved, I kid you not.